In or Out

Do I hop in the cab with Kevin and the boys or go on my own to the shopping center and take an Uber back to the apartment alone?  I knew the Uber app was installed on my phone, but...I’d never used it by myself before and I wasn’t confident I could direct myself, let alone anyone else back to our apartment. Several times I pulled the door handle, swinging the door towards me only to start to close it again. Talking out loud the whole time, I expressed all the contradictory statements jumping around in my head about why I should go and then why I should stay.  The very confused Uber driver finally asked Kevin to clarify what was going on.  With the pressure mounting, I decided to stay out, to wave goodbye as I saw my family drive away.

Stalls selling fish on the side of the road

I walked by the stalls along the side of a busy road in the heat of the day where the smell hit me of whole fish boiling in oil and of beans simmering in huge stock pots sitting on homemade stoves fueled by squares of black coal.  Some talked and ate their lunch, while others washed tableware in large plastic tubs on the ground filled with murky water.

A few blocks later, I arrived at the shopping center and after passing through the metal detector, I stepped into a different world of coffee shops displaying artisan bread and fancy cakes, clothing stores, and a small grocery store.  In the grocery store, I weaved my small cart through narrow aisles.  I tried my best to pick things that will fill my hungry family.  Currently, I’m on a “biscuit (cookie) taste test” kick, so I bought three different kinds.  Sadly, the 1st one we determined to be almost like cardboard.  Maybe contestant number 2 will come out ahead.

I requested an Uber, found the pickup spot, and when his map didn’t work, I figured out how to direct him. 

To get in or stay out- to play it safe or move into the unknown and often uncomfortable- this is the choice I need to make over and over on so many levels.  How many times do we stand there opening and closing the “taxi door”, feeling the draw of safety and comfort, but also feel the stirring for what could be experienced or accomplished with courage and risk.

Me?  I want the smells of Nairobi.  Next time, may I have the courage to wave goodbye and close the taxi door.